sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
