Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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