dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
