is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize