no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
