could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
