She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
