the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize