I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
