her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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