Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
