isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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