why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
