he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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