At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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