I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
