Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
