Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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