Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
