I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
