we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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