yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
