i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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