i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
