i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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