not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
