Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
