that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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