R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
