Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize