I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
