It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
why is half of my head shaved?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
