if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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