dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
