I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
