She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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