i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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