By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
