I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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