when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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