There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
