im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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