Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it glows. i had to have it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
