M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
