he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
