I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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