just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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