she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
