Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
