Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
