True but thats because hes a fetus.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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