She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize