I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
