You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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