so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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