During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
