I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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