I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
