dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
