i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
