i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
