wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
