Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
