great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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