I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
