i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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