why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
