Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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