@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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