No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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