I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
