fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
