She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
