At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
