just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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