The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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