Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
