very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
