Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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