Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
