Someone shit on the floor
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
