she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize