I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
