we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
