i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
