that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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