Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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