Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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