I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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