Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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