This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
