We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
