Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize