i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
